I had a 10 minute conversation with someone about trombones and I had no idea who they were. In my defense, I started the conversation.

Women hockey players are the worst spellers, because spell checking isn’t allowed.

Lasers are lazy. That’s why they always get fired.

If father nature hadn’t walked out on us, maybe the earth wouldn’t be so messed up.

i think post-it notes were the pre-curser to twitter. You only had so much space to be passive aggressive, while maintaining a comedic essence. 

You’d be surprised how many people believe I actually own a hamster. All you need are a couple fake names and a few creative ways to explain how your old hamsters died, and you’re set! Princess, got attacked by a bear, broke her back legs and later fell down an iron shaft, 2004. RIP. Batmanster, got diabetes and confused the insulin for the water bottle, however the autopsy showed that he died because of the vacuum cleaner that sucked him up, 1996. RIP

7 months ago · 20 notes