There was a food fight at my first high school dance. Nobody knows who threw the first punch bowl.

Even the venus fly trap eats meat. Think about that vegetarians.

My hamster’s name is spilt milk. I don’t care what anybody says, I cry every time I think about how he got run over by that vacuum cleaner.

Whenever I close the gate on a chain link fence, I feel like I’m forcing two robots to hold hands.

I hope they do a remake of LOST and replace all the actors with an assortment of lobsters and cats.

6 months ago · 7 notes