It’s my birthday today!

I don’t get why girls always ask for ponies. They’re a huge time commitment! You have to feed them, brush their hair, teach them horse karate so they can defend themselves… That’s why I always asked for a unicorn. They require no maintenance, because they are magical holy animals. God made unicorns for Jesus and Elton john so they could ride them across the atlantic ocean to free the Native Americans.

3 months ago · 17 notes

  1. thinkphrenetic said: Happy Birthday, dude! Watch out for those gnarly narwhals when your crossing the ocean. They’ve got mad jealousy for unicorns.
  2. swintonasfuck said: Happy birfday don’t die!
  3. piratescove said: Happy Birfday!
  4. andyerikson posted this