Whenever I see a tree hugger hugging a tree, I always yell “get a room!” Then I threaten to chop down a bunch of trees and just build one for them.

A gummy bear crossed me. So I ate his whole family.

“I don’t care how nice your capri pants are Rachel. I can see your ankles and that’s a double sin. One sin for each disgusting ankle.” -Muhammad

The game of Clue for red necks: was it my baby mama’s uncle, in or around the trailer, with the crocodile leg?

The game of Clue for Jersey Shore: was it The Situation, in the hot tub, with Snooki’s face?

I keep getting Hogwarts and Harvard confused.

“My weird glasses make it so people can see ME better.” -Hipster 

1 year ago · 6 notes