I think you should have to take a vision test to get your hunting license. Why isn’t that a thing yet?

I send my relatives who give shitty gifts “No Thank You” cards.

My sister asked if I knew who put the huge dent in the side of her car. I said it looked like a professional did it. Probably a dentist.

i love scratch and sniff lottery tickets! They smell like old pennies and funyuns.

Gingerbread cookies are the redheads of cookies. They should only be aloud outside during the holidays, and they taste like houses.

My joke about bushes really offended a lot of people. I guess It was too hedgy.

9 months ago · 8 notes